Dare to believe

Do you dare to believe in yourself?

This is a question that really hit me tonight while I was watching The Biggest Loser.  True this show is about changing your life through extreme weight loss, but it’s also about rediscovering the person that’s buried deep within.  The question, do you dare to believe in yourself, transcends far beyond health.

Having a dream, no matter how astronomical it might seem, is vital to life.  I realize dreams don’t physically keep your heart pumping but they are the reason to get out of bed each morning.  Without hope of something more, what would be the point?

I know what it feels like to not believe in myself. For the first 26 years of my life, the only thing that truly made me happy, apart from my family, was writing.  Losing myself to a blank page fills me with such indescribable joy.  It’s my therapy, passion and love all wrapped in one.  It’s my high.  But despite the feelings of elation I experienced when I was creating a story, I never truly felt like I could do it.

I’ve asked myself “why not” countless times.  Why not me?  I had a list of excuses to rival my son’s Christmas wish list!

  • Not educated enough
  • Not smart enough
  • Too shy
  • Not driven enough
  • Not cutthroat enough
  • Don’t know the right people
  • It’s nearly impossible to break into this industry
  • I’m not good enough

These thoughts, and countless more, plagued me, and still do from time to time.  The chains were wrapped so tightly around me that I could barely breathe.  I was miserable.  My love of writing had been tarnished by self loathing and doubt.

So what changed?  What pushed me over the edge and gave me the jump start I needed to begin believing in myself?

Honestly, there’s no easy answer.  A heartbreaking time of my life brought me to the mirror and made me face myself, unmasked and in all of my pathetic glory.  No excuses.  No lies.  Just me.

Let me tell you, that agonizing moment changed my life.  It’s not through the hills that we grow but it’s in the mire and muck of the valleys that we find strength to pull ourselves up.  No one can do it for you, so if you’re waiting for someone else to believe in you first you’re gonna be waiting a long time.  Only you can decide to change.

I won’t lie and say the road was easy.  It was full of unexpected holes, shattered glass that I had tread lightly over and I think I probably could have filled the gutters with my tears.  But I did it.  ME.  On that day, looking at the tears streaking down my flushed face I realized this was my time.

I didn’t have to ask what would make me happy.  I already knew and had known for years.  It was time to go to work.  And I have NOT regretted a single day since.

Today, I’m a self-published author with dreams of someday being traditionally published.  My goals are set and each day I’m taking a baby step forward.  Dreams don’t happen overnight.  Life is a marathon, not a sprint.  You have to learn, train and work really freaking hard for what you want…but it’s totally worth it.

Will you dare to believe?

6 thoughts on “Dare to believe

    1. Thanks! I loved the freedom this picture implied. The sky truly is the limit if you don’t let fear hold you back. Thanks for the comment ameliaclaire.
      Do you have a dream you’re striving towards?

      1. I’m hope to one day publish a nonfiction book about overcoming my Cerebral Palsy. I started writing it at the end of January, but I have a feeling it’s going to be quite a long process. I’m not giving up though!

        1. That is a WONDERFUL dream! I applaud you for starting the process. Some days will be tough, that’s how this writing thing works. But I can promise you it is rewarding, in ways far beyond monetary.
          Although I don’t dare to dabble in nonfiction, I would be happy to help you in any way that I can. Keep me posted. I will be rooting for you!

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